This year, I'm focusing on getting healthy, and I have as much work to do mentally as I do physically. You can read the posts in this series in reverse chronological order here.
I am still reading my way through Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth. She talks about "bolting," or using food as an escape, and I've known for a while that I definitely do this. Instead of feeling my emotions, I eat. I eat when I'm frustrated with the kids. I eat when I'm bored, and when I'm sad. It's as if I'm literally keeping the emotions bottled up inside me by stuffing the mouth of the bottle opening closed with food {ooh, pun not intended}.
This isn't a new concept to me. But up until now, I couldn't cope because I couldn't figure out a better way of dealing with the emotions. How do I not yell at the kids if I'm not eating? {I bring this one up in particular, because I've been fully aware that I was eating to quash my emotions yet eaten anyway because I didn't know what else to do.}
Reading Roth's book, I realize that somehow, I need to learn to be with the feeling I'm trying to keep bottled up. I don't have to make it go away. {Even if it means I yell at the kids? We'll have to see about that.} In theory, at least, I think I need to learn to just feel my feelings, whatever they are.
And not judge myself, which may be the hardest part of all.
Image via FreeDigitalPhotos.net by Apolonia.
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