Random Semi-Useful Things To Do Online During the Quarantine

In many places, the quarantine restrictions are easing, and here in Los Angeles, I've seen more cars on the road and people out and about than in the last couple of weeks. However, many of us are still staying home, if only because our kids are home because their schools are closed.


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It's hard to stay focused all the time, but you probably want to feel like you're being at least somewhat productive even though you may just be sitting around. (Or is that just me?) Therefore, I've compiled a list of random things you can do online while you're still social distancing:

Enter sweepstakes - My favorite place to find sweepstakes to enter is MySavings. You probably won't win, but you definitely won't win if you don't enter, and it only takes a couple of minutes.

Earn Microsoft Rewards - Spend a few minutes a day taking their quizzes and searching with Bing to earn points, and you can easily make an extra $10 each month.

Earn Swagbucks - I've been a Swagbucks user for over a decade now. They used to be mostly a search engine that rewarded you for searching, but now they've got all kinds of offers on their site. Some of them are spammy, so exercise good judgment - but you could easily earn $25 (or much more) per month, depending on the activities you do.

Clean out your email inbox - Read these tips for decluttering your email for maximum efficiency.

Create memory books in Shutterfly or other photo services - These can be time-consuming, but there may never be a better time than now! (An 8x8 photo book is just $14.99 right now at Shutterfly. Or you could make the book now and then wait for a free product code so all you have to pay for is shipping.)

Take a free course or watch free how-to videos - You don't have to set ambitious goals to learn something. This is a good area in which to go small. Spend a few minutes every day learning a new language with Duolingo, or watch how chefs prepare shrimp for tempura (I did this a couple of weeks ago).

What semi-useful activities have you been doing?

Do you procrastinate because of perfectionism?

A couple of months ago, I got frustrated by my inability to get into a real routine when it comes to keeping the house clean. Flylady popped into my head, so I subscribed to her daily emails - and was promptly reminded that the reason I'd unsubscribed was the sheer number of emails she sends. It feels like ten a day, at least. But I've maintained my subscription because her overall message is one I need to keep reading: let go of perfectionism and just do things 15 minutes at a time.

I'll admit that I haven't fully embraced the message. My house still isn't clean because I get discouraged thinking about how something gets dirty as soon as I clean it. There's a bookshelf I know I should declutter but I haven't because there are things I know should let go but thinking about the money I wasted makes me sad. (Just writing that is motivating me to go clean it out - I mean, the money is less than $5 on books from a used book sale!)

As we all spend a lot more time at home now, I think a lot of us probably need Flylady's messages at this moment.

Do it now.

You can do anything for 15 minutes.

You deserve a clean house.

Housework done imperfectly still blesses.

You are not behind! Just jump in.

What have you been putting off?

Ideas for Creating Outer Accountability

On Monday, I discussed what it means to be an Obliger in Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework. As much as I wish I were different, Gretchen says, and I agree, that it's easier to work with your tendency than to try to change it.



That said, she also says things like, "all an Obliger has to do is create outer accountability." But for me, it's not that easy, and it's what I hate most about being an Obliger. In the years since I learned that I'm an Obliger who needs external obligations, I've learned a lot about how to create them. I still haven't found a magical way that infallibly works for me, but I do have some insight on how you can create outer accountability for yourself:

Make a to-do list. This is super basic, but for some Obligers, it actually creates enough accountability to get things done. Personally, I find that I'm much more likely to do something if I have an actual written list, because for some reason, I feel an obligation to cross things off.

Find an accountability partner or group. Two Obligers holding each other accountable can be a beautiful partnership, but I've never found someone like that in my own life. My husband is a Questioner, and as much as I would like him to hold me accountable at times, he doesn't want that role (which is common with Upholders and Questioners, who readily meet inner expectations and therefore don't understand why Obligers can't do the same; Gretchen also points out that significant others often make poor accountability partners because the Obliger doesn't consider them truly external). However, kids can be great accountability partners for certain goals, like not swearing or using your phone in the car. If you're interested in forming a group, Gretchen has a free app called Better, where you can find like-minded people who are familiar with the Tendencies.

Think of yourself in the third person. It can be helpful to think of what you owe your past or future self, which sounds odd but actually works well for Obligers. When I remember to think of my future self, it's easier to do things that benefit my health, like work out and eat better.

Pay someone. Take a class, hire a trainer or life coach, etc. You're much more likely to show up if someone is waiting for you. But this doesn't work if you're the kind of Obliger who thinks "I've already paid for it, so what difference does it make?"

Have someone pay you. This can be more effective than paying someone else. If you have a customer, client, or student expecting you to do something, you'll do it.

Create a deadline when someone will expect something from you. You might not be able to get someone to pay you, but you can still create self-imposed deadlines with outer expectations if you announce the deadline to others. For example, if you have a work project without a solid due date, pick a date and tell your boss that you'll have a draft ready for review that day. If you want to run a half-marathon, pick a race and then tell your friends and family that you're training for it and expect to see them at the finish line.

Get creative. If you have a specific task or habit you're trying to achieve, thinking outside the box can be especially effective. Gretchen often tells the story of an Obliger who was struggling to get up in the morning, so she set an embarrassing Facebook post to automatically go live every morning and now she has to get up to turn off the auto post.

Are you an Obliger and if so, how do you create outer accountability?

What Does It Mean to be an Obliger?

When Gretchen Rubin was working on her book about habits, Better than Before, she came up with a framework that addresses how we handle outer and inner expectations. An outer expectation is one that comes from outside ourselves, such as a work deadline or an appointment. An inner expectation is one that we set for ourselves, like a New Years resolution to work out every day.

How you respond to each type of expectation determines whether you are an Upholder, Questioner, Rebel or Obliger, so Gretchen called her framework The Four Tendencies (and wrote a book about it). An Upholder readily meets both types of expectations. A Questioner meets any expectation that makes sense to them, essentially turning acceptable outer expectations into inner ones. A Rebel resists both types of expectations. An Obliger readily meets outer expectations but struggles with inner expectations.



I wish I was an Upholder, because I think I'd be a lot more productive. Alas, I’m an Obliger. I knew it even as I was taking the free quiz. Obligers are the largest group, so I’m in good company, and I’d love to know if there’s a genetic component to all this. (I’m married to a Questioner, which is the second-largest group. My 14-year-old is an Obliger like me, and I’m pretty sure that my 12-year-old is a Questioner like his dad. I’m also certain that my dad is an Obliger and my mom is a Questioner.)

What does it mean to be an Obliger? Unfortunately, it means that you can’t just say to yourself, I want to do X, and know that it will get done. You have to ensure that there are outer expectations in place so that you feel obligated to complete the task.

In my life, this means I often don't clean the house until it's necessary and I start feeling guilty about its state - in other words, until I feel obligated to provide a clean(er) house for my family. I've struggled most of my life to exercise and eat healthy, because that feels like something I'm doing just for me and therefore I'm not accountable to anyone else.

Obligers often do a lot for others - for someone like me, a stay-at-home mom who works part-time at home, that can translate to focusing on cooking, cleaning, and other family-related tasks, hours volunteering for PTA, and helping out friends who ask for favors like picking up their kids. If you work outside the home, you might find yourself the go-to person for others at the office. Usually, none of it seems like a big deal, until there are so many obligations to others that I don't have the margin to do anything for myself.

Outer expectations can build up and overwhelm an Obliger, resulting in what Gretchen calls Obliger Rebellion. If you're an Obliger, you probably know exactly what it means - the point when you decide NO MORE. This can be good, when it relieves the overwhelming pressure. But it can also be bad - if it means damaging important projects or relationships, disappointing others, or even hurting yourself. It's not uncommon for Obligers to take their rebellion out on themselves by eating poorly, not exercising, and so on.

Over the years, even before I knew what it means to be an Obliger, I learned to minimize outside obligations that I knew would upset me in the long run. For example, I've repeatedly turned down requests to become PTA president because I know I don't want to spend as much time as would be required to do the job right. But I've taken on individual projects with a finite time commitment, because it's important to me to participate at school.

One thing I've tried to become better at is creating outer accountability that works for me, and I'll discuss that more on Thursday.

Do you use Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework?

Find Your Keystone Habit and Transform Your Life

After several years of reading the work of Gretchen Rubin and James Clear, I've become convinced that the key to a healthy, happy, productive life is good habits. I brush and floss my teeth every day because it's a habit. I work because it's a habit. The more good habits I have, the better my life is.

But I'm still working on finding my keystone habit, which is one good habit or routine that leads to a series of other good habits and/or routines.



I first learned about the concept of keystone habits from James Clear, who said that working out is his keystone habit. When he works out, he eats healthier and sleeps better, which makes him more productive at work.

When I recently subscribed to Flylady's emails again, I realized that she uses a shiny sink as her keystone habit. Her message is that when your sink is shiny, you feel better about the chaos in your house, which allows you to gradually tame that chaos and keep a cleaner, neater house.

Gretchen Rubin has pointed to making your bed as a possible keystone habit, because it's easy, "[e]verything looks neater," and sticking to the resolution to make your bed creates satisfaction that can make you feel more "efficient, productive, and disciplined."

I haven't yet figured out my own keystone habit. I've discovered that I don't necessarily eat better when I work out regularly, and I don't necessarily work out more when I'm eating well. Shining my sink every night does get me keeping a cleaner kitchen, but it doesn't necessarily inspire me to clean the rest of the house. Neither does making my bed every day.

I'll keep experimenting, though. Up next on my list are a minimum of seven and a half hours of sleep every night and meditation.

Do you have a keystone habit?

6 Ways to Achieve Your Goals

We're a week into 2020 now, so it's a good time to share some ways to help you achieve your goals this year. Things are hopefully going well, but it's likely that soon you'll hit a bump in the road, and you'll be able to handle it better if you plan ahead. (I'm doing Whole30 this month and their research shows that participants are most likely to quit on days 10 or 11. Also, I'm avoiding the word "resolution," since the vast majority of New Year's Resolutions fail after a few weeks into the year.)



One of the easiest ways to make a change is to focus on convenience, if you're trying to add a new habit, or inconvenience, if you're trying to break a habit. For example, if you want to work out at the gym on the way to work, make sure you pick a gym that's actually on the way, with a shower so you can change into your work clothes after you exercise. Avoid the temptation to pick the cheaper or nicer gym that requires a detour. Or if you've decided you spend too much time on social media, move the apps off your main screen, and put them into folders. The extra swiping and tapping will slow you down, and you might decide it's not worth the effort. Or more extreme, you can delete the apps so that you have to re-install them in order to use social media, or do what James Clear does and have someone reset the passwords on all of your accounts on Monday and give you the new passwords on Friday, so you only use social media over the weekend.

Another strategy is what Gretchen Rubin calls pairing, which is when you set up a new habit to be done in conjunction with something you already do. One example she's given is to put your medication by the coffee maker, so you'll remember to take it when you get your morning cup of joe. If the new activity is something you don't particularly enjoy, you can pair it with something you do enjoy to make it more attractive. Personally, I only allow myself to stream shows without commercials when I'm on the treadmill.

You can also work with your tendency. This term comes from Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework, which categorizes people based on how they respond to inner and outer expectations. The largest group, of which I am a reluctant member, is Obligers, who resist inner expectations and respond to outer expectations. Doing the Whole30 is very much an inner expectation, so I've built in outer accountability by telling people I'm doing the Whole30 and paying for Melissa Urban's twice daily texts. An Upholder, who readily responds to both forms of expectations, would probably just need a clear goal, while a Questioner, who resists outer expectations and readily meets inner expectations, would need a clear understanding of why the goal is important to them. A Rebel, who resists all expectations, might need to build in a lot of flexibility.

If you're the kind of person who likes streaks, you could try Jerry Seinfeld's calendar system. The idea is to get a calendar where you can put a big X through each day that you achieve your goal. Once you get a streak going, you just focus on not breaking the chain. (And remember that, as James Clear says in Atomic Habits, if you break a streak, it's imperative that you start a new one the next day so as not to start a different kind of streak.)

Prep some "if - then" scenarios in your mind. This is a part of the Whole30 plan - they suggest you brainstorm scenarios where you might be tempted to stray from the program, such as, "If there's a birthday cake at the office, then I'll show up for the singing but say I'm in the middle of something and leave when they start handing out cake."

Finally, if you've got a "big" goal, don't forget to break it down into small steps that you can achieve and track and feel good about. For example, your big goal might be to lose 20 pounds, but you'll need to focus on specific things you can do each day to get to that point, like "eat a salad as a first course at lunch and dinner" and "drink only water." Also, don't try to bite off more than you can chew - it's better to make small changes that you'll stick with than big ones that you'll stop after a short while.

I wish you the best of luck with your goals in 2020! Please let me know if there's anything I can do here at Chief Family Officer to help you achieve them.

Create Before You Consume

"Create before you consume."

I haven't been able to get this phrase out of my head ever since I heard it on the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. It was Marie Forleo's "try this at home" tip for how to be happier. One example she gave was to "create a more peaceful me" by meditating before "consuming" social media.

I especially love this philosophy because it doesn't forbid consumption. I can still watch my TV shows, read books, and even scroll through Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. But it reminds me to prioritize creating - more blog posts and essays, delicious food, a clean(er) house, and a healthier, happier me.

I've been pondering how to communicate this idea to my boys. Like all kids, they love playing video games. And they expend a lot of effort at school and on a few extracurriculars, so I think they deserve some downtime. But when they have large chunks of downtime, I want them to think about creating as well as consuming, and I haven't figured out the right way to deliver the message. If you have any ideas, please share!

In the meantime, do you create before you consume?

Quick Ways to Leap into Action

Do you ever have times when you feel sluggish and just want to lie down? It happens to me regularly, as I'm just not naturally energetic. So I've had to come up with strategies to push me into motion, even if it's only long enough for me to complete one or two tasks.


Since it's that time of year when many of us start to build new habits, I wanted to share my strategies with you:

- Use the 2-minute rule and start by doing an activity that takes 2 minutes or less but helps you build momentum. For example, if you need to make dinner, start by doing something that takes less than 2 minutes, like washing the lettuce for the salad. (Read more about the 2-minute rule at JamesClear.com.)

- Listen to upbeat music. We all have our favorites, but some of mine include Timber, Can't Stop the Feeling, Fix and Shut Up and Dance.

- Pair another activity. Let yourself do something you want to do with something you don't feel like doing. For example, I listen to my favorite podcasts while I'm vacuuming.

- Do some jumping jacks, pushups or yoga. Sometimes all you need to do is get the blood flowing.

- Just do one thing. This is similar to the first tip, in that hopefully you'll build momentum, but even if you don't, at least you got one thing done. For example, I often tell myself I just have to clean the downstairs bathroom - it's small, so it takes less than ten minutes, but I always feel like I really accomplished something when I'm done.

- Call or text a friend. Sometimes we just need some encouragement. Kids are actually pretty good at this, especially younger ones. I'm finding that teens are a whole different story. But once your child encourages you to do something, you really can't say no.

- Enlist a buddy. Usually this means someone who lives with you, like your spouse, roommate or child, since they're right there and can do an activity with you. But friends who aren't in your immediate vicinity can work too - maybe you can both vacuum, and then report back to each other. (If you're now thinking that my least favorite things to do involve cleaning the house, you'd be correct.)

- Think about giving a gift to your future self. Sometimes knowing how happy you'll be in the future that you accomplished a task now is enough to get you going.

- Keep a running to-do list. Crossing things off a to-do list is gratifying, sometimes disproportionately so.

- Think of three things you're grateful for. Nothing changes improves an attitude faster than gratitude. Remembering the good things in your life can give you a huge energy boost.

How do you get yourself going when you feel lethargic?

The Best Way to Save Time When Grocery Shopping

During this past school year, my weekly routine on Mondays was to go to Ralphs and then Trader Joe's. I couldn't help noticing a pattern: I would often spend an hour at Ralphs and less than a half hour at Trader Joe's, yet the majority of my groceries were from Trader Joe's.

Upon reflection, I realized the truth of the maxim "time is money."

I spend so much more time at Ralphs because I'm on the lookout for deals. I have a list, of course, but often I'm just doing a price check on an item - if something is a certain price, I'll buy it, especially if I have a coupon. If the price is higher than I want to pay, I'll wait. When there's a Mix & Match sale - for example, Buy 5, Save $5 - I walk through the store looking for unadvertised items that might be included. All of this takes time, which is fine with me because my priority is to save money, not time.


But if your priority is to save time, then consider doing your grocery shopping at Trader Joe's. Their prices are competitive with other markets, if not lower. And the prices don't change every week, so you don't have to constantly check them. You can just go in, buy the items on your list, and leave. Plus, Trader Joe's store brand products are non-GMO and they have many organic options.

Are you concerned about the savings you might be missing out on? Let's consider a few examples off the top of my head:

• One-pound bags of pasta like penne, farfalle and macaroni elbows are $0.99 at Trader Joe's. Barilla pasta is on sale for $1 this week at Ralphs, and there's no coupon available. Sometimes you can get pasta for $0.49, but those deals are few and far between, so you'll have to stock up when they come around, and then store the pasta somewhere in your house.


• The cheapest eggs at Trader Joe's are $1.59 for a dozen. Sometimes Ralphs has a dozen eggs for $0.99, but that's rare and usually around holidays, like Easter. The sale price at my store right now is $2.99.


• One of the main reasons I shop at Trader Joe's is for milk. They have the lowest price on gallons of organic milk at $5.49. Ralphs has Simple Truth Organic milk on sale for $5.99 per gallon, but the regular price is $6.49, and for some reason, my store often has limited stock in the refrigerated milk section so I wouldn't go there planning to get milk.


• Cereals like Frosted Flakes and Crisp Rice are $1.99 per box at Trader Joe's. You can regularly get cereal for less than that at Ralphs, but sales vary a lot so you have to stock up when you see a low price on your favorite variety and store the extra boxes.


• Clif bars are $0.99 at Trader Joe's, but they're on sale for $0.88 right now at Ralphs, which also also carries a greater variety. Again, if you have a place to store them, you could stock up at Ralphs, where the regular price is $1.25.

As you can see, you can definitely save money by shopping at Ralphs for some of your groceries, but the savings isn't that substantial if time is at a higher premium than money.

Having said all this, I do need to acknowledge a few shortcomings with my suggestion to shop at Trader Joe's if you want to save time:

• Trader Joe's doesn't carry everything you probably want to keep in your kitchen. For instance, I swear by Frontera enchilada sauces, but they're not sold at TJ's. And some products, like canned pumpkin, are seasonal. Their limited selection means you will have to supplement by shopping someplace else. But you could so online (Amazon carries Frontera sauces as well almost any other pantry ingredient you could want) or shop at Target, which has a substantial grocery section now.


• Some of TJ's store brand items don't hold up. As an example, I was so disappointed with the quality of their American cheese that I stopped buying it years ago and have stuck to the Simple Truth version from Ralphs (which my kids prefer over the Horizon version).


• The produce quality at TJ's is unreliable at best. My friends and I have discussed (and the internet has confirmed) that Trader Joe's produce is often of sub-par quality, in that many items spoil extremely quickly. Having said that, however, I have a limited list of produce items that I like to buy at TJ's, including butternut squash in the winter (so much cheaper to pay $1.79 for a whole squash than to pay per pound), lemons, rainbow carrots, riced cauliflower, whole cauliflower, and vacuum packed cooked beets. I'll also often buy bagged organic potatoes and sweet potatoes, zucchini and bananas.


• Their parking lots suck. There's really no other way to say it. Almost every Trader Joe's I've ever shopped at has a tiny parking lot with too few and extremely small spots. The only way I can shop there is to go before 10 a.m., and I realize that's not feasible for everyone. This may be a Southern California thing, since so many of our stores are old, but that's how it is here.

So obviously I can't recommend shopping exclusively at Trader Joe's. But when saving time is more important than saving money, you should consider doing most of your grocery shopping at Trader Joe's, where you might be spending a little more money, but you'll be saving a lot of time.

How do you save time on grocery shopping?

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How to Manage All That Email, aka Getting to Zero Inbox

I first encountered the concept of having a totally empty inbox through Michael Hyatt. At first, it seemed incredible. A totally empty inbox?!

But then I realized he was really on to something, because I had hundreds of emails in my various inboxes and it was quite stressful. So I took the plunge and developed my own system for getting to Zero Inbox. And I learned that there's something satisfying and soothing about having no unread emails.

Want to give it a try yourself? Here's how I do it:

Create folders to organize emails. Michael says that he just archives everything into a processed mail folder, and that's certainly one way of doing it because email services come with fairly robust search engines. Personally, I prefer to archive my email a little more categorically, so I have folders that important emails go into, and then a generic "all mail" folder for everything else.

Process all of your email when it comes in. When you're just starting out, you may have thousands of emails you need to process, and that's okay. Just set a timer and go through as many as you can in fifteen minute increments until you get through all of them. Once you've processed all of your old email, make a habit of processing email as it comes in, and act immediately on every email that takes less than two minutes to respond to (which is probably 99% of your email). Remember, the delete button is your friend, as is the catch-all archive folder. You can leave the few that require additional time in your inbox for a while, but try to act on them as soon as possible.

Limit email that comes into your inbox. The best way to maintain an empty inbox is to prevent email from reaching it in the first place. So be picky about the email lists you sign up for, and don't hesitate to use the unsubscribe link at the bottom of most commercial emails. If there are lists you need to be on but you rarely read or use the emails, see if there's a way to restrict the number and/or types of email they send out in your account profile settings - many times you can select to receive email as infrequently as monthly, or choose to receive only one type of email.

There is no one way or right way of getting to Zero Inbox. This is just how I do it. Use it as a starting point and develop your own system that works for you!

Managing Perfectionism

In the last couple of years, I've begun to truly understand what it means to be a perfectionist, and why that's bad:
Perfectionism = Fear of Failure = No Progress/Success

I realized that there are a lot of things I wasn't doing because I couldn't or wouldn't do them perfectly:

I wouldn't vacuum because I didn't have time or the desire to vacuum the whole house.

I didn't exercise because I couldn't run due to plantar fasciitis (though I could walk), and I didn't do yoga because I'd eaten recently and you're "supposed to" do yoga on a relatively empty stomach.

I wouldn't journal because it should be done at night to go over the day, but I don't have time alone to be reflective at night.

For someone else, it might be not writing a novel that's itching to get out due to fear that it won't come out a bestseller.

Or denying the urge to decorate a cake because it won't look like Martha Stewart or Duff Goldman did it.

And so on and so forth.

I began to truly understand what perfectionism was doing to me when I finally understood Flylady's Weekly Home Blessing Hour and the idea that "Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family!" That was a real eye-opener for me.

I began to accept that doing things imperfectly is allowed!

I was raised with the "do it right or not at all" approach, so you can imagine how revolutionary this concept was for me. And it's transformed my life:

I now clean my house in sections - I'll vacuum the upstairs one day and the downstairs the next. I'll clean one bathroom each day, instead of all three at once. I'll dust one room but not another. The whole house may not be clean all at once, but everything does get cleaned, just at different times.

I walk on the treadmill now, and take a Pilates class once a week, and while I'm nowhere near the condition I was in when I ran a 5K five years ago, at least I'm doing something.

I journal most mornings now, because that's when I'm alone and can think things through. It's still made a difference in clarifying my thoughts, goals, and perspective.

I'm still trying to figure out how "do it anyway" coexists with "do it right or not at all," because I understand the value in putting forth your very best effort. But I guess it's just that sometimes your very best effort isn't warranted.

What do you think?

The Three Words that Dramatically Increased My Productivity

A couple of months ago, Crystal wrote about how she manages her email inbox, and her last tip really resonated with me. In essence, it boils down to three words:

Do it now.I've been getting this message for a long time from Flylady, but I really "got it" in the context of Crystal's post. I began dealing with emails as they arrived in my inbox, and got my inbox down from 30 or so emails to one. The one that's left is an e-gift card that I need to spend.

Dealing with all of my email each day doesn't take anywhere near as long as I expected. I unsubscribe and delete liberally, which leaves me with just a handful of emails that actually require responses each day. Those responses usually don't take very long to compose, and I've shortened the time even further by using "Canned Responses" in Gmail for those inquiries that I receive frequently.

I felt so much more productive dealing with my emails every day that the "do it now" principle has carried over into other areas of my life as well. I pin recipes right away instead of saving them in my feed reader. I order Scholastic books as soon as my kids bring the flyers home instead of letting the flyers gather dust on my desk. I fill out forms sent home from school immediately and send them back the next day. I submit flexible spending account reimbursement requests right away instead of waiting until I've accumulated a few.

It turns out that tackling small tasks right away keeps things from piling up - in my brain, as well as my physical surroundings.

And next week, I'll share a tip on how to get the big tasks done while keeping the small tasks from piling up.

Decrease Stress by Working Ahead {it's a skill that can be learned}

Now that my kids are fully into the swing of two sports, I'm feeling overwhelmed by all that it adds to my plate. My kids adjust better to these changes than I do, and I like to think it's because my husband and I make it easy for them, but still ... I now have more to do and less time to do it, with the new practices and games added into our schedule. It's got me thinking a lot about time management and the joys of working ahead.

Teaching the Benefits of Time Management and Working Ahead

My oldest child is now in second grade, and has to do a monthly project, a weekly book report, and "regular" homework. Plus he's got the two sports, which means multiple practices and games each week.

Not surprisingly, we've had a tremendous opportunity to teach our son about time management, and how planning and working ahead can make life easier and less stressful.

For example, his teacher sends the book report form home on Monday and expects it back on Friday. But at our request, she gives it to us ahead of time so my son can do his book report over the weekend. That gives us one less thing to worry about during the week. And seeing how much easier his homework load is when he does his book report ahead of time has been an eye-opener for my son - it's a tangible demonstration of the benefits of working ahead.

Another example: The students are given about a month to complete their monthly projects, so it seems natural to us to start as soon as possible to get it done. Because of our busy schedule, there really aren't that many days that can accommodate extra work, but whenever there's a big block of unscheduled time (usually over the weekend), we tackle the project. Sometimes my son has to be reminded that he has to work on the project when he can because there aren't that many opportunities. He gets back on board with the plan whenever my husband or I point out how happy he will be to have it done and not be stressed the week before it's due because there's so much left to do.

That's why I'm shocked by how many of his classmates don't work ahead when given the opportunity - toward the end of each month, I discover that some of them haven't even started, and that others are less than half done.

At this age, projects are still very much parent-driven because they can't be completed without adult assistance and participation. And it's the rare child (though I hear they do exist) who bugs his or her parent to work on the school project.

I wish all parents would take the opportunity to teach their children time management and the joys of working ahead.

Working Ahead Works for Adults

Of course, as adults, many of us don't have great time management skills, and we often don't work ahead. And it's hard to teach what you don't know (or practice). I have to admit, that even though I have the ability, I often fail to manage my time well and don't fulfill my intentions to work ahead.

But I've discovered that Flylady's philosophy of I can do anything for 15 minutes works really well in helping me manage my time and get ahead. I started by managing my "hot spots" on a regular basis: I deal with the mail every night instead of letting it pile up on the dining table, I clear my desk (almost) daily, and I put away laundry right away. I've also developed an evening routine that makes my mornings easier.

Keeping these tasks off my plate has given me more time and energy to focus on other areas. Consequently, I am getting better at working ahead in the kitchen, and on this site, and at other projects. It's been interesting and rewarding to experience this trickle-down effect - and just as interesting (and far from rewarding) to see how quickly my productivity drops off (and my stress level rises) when I stop working ahead.

It's all a work in progress, but by consistently working ahead at one area of my life at a time, I'm increasing my productivity and decreasing stress!

Get Out of a Rut and Overcome Frustration by Tackling your Energy Drains

All of us, at some point, feel frustrated or stagnant about our situation in life - and often, although we want to make a change, we're not sure where to start. Or, we feel like we don't have the time and/or space in our life for something new.

When you feel this way, a surefire way to feel better about your situation is to tackle your energy drains.

I first learned about "energy drains" nearly 15 years ago, in Take Time for Your Life, a book by personal coach Cheryl Richardson. An energy drain is something or someone that makes you feel tired - it could be doing your taxes, which you've been putting off, the person you always dread talking to, or the bathroom you don't want to clean. Richardson talks about identifying and eliminating your energy drains in order to gain clarity about your life.


We all have different energy drains, but you know what your energy drains are. Start with the easiest one to get some momentum going. You don't have to complete each task, and you can do your tasks in increments - as I've learned from Flylady, you can do anything for 15 minutes. The important thing is to make progress and open up space - literal and metaphorical - in your life.

Here's an example: I've been cleaning out one closet for a couple of months now. When I started, there were 15 banker's boxes full of stuff in that one area. After the holidays, I moved six of the boxes to different areas that made more sense, based on their contents (and I was able to do that because I'd eliminated other clutter previously). Since then, I've slowly been going through the remaining boxes, most of which contain paper clutter in the form of old files. I'm now down to six boxes of stuff, and I'm pretty sure that I can get it down to four boxes of storage. It's not creating a ton of space, but it's creating enough that I feel possibilities opening up!

There are other energy drains in my home that I want to tackle too, but I'm sticking to one area at a time.

What are your energy drains, and what are you doing about them?

Sanity Saver: Update your calendar as events arise

I use Google Calendar to organize my life. I love it because I can use it to send myself email reminders, schedule repeating events, and more. I even color-code different types of events so that I can spot things at a glance.

At the end of each month, my kids bring home the next month's school calendar, filled with upcoming events. One of the main reasons I quit my full-time job and became a work-at-home mom is to be able to participate in and contribute to various school events, so that calendar is important to me.

A couple of weeks ago, when my kids brought home the February school calendar, I took it and entered relevant events into my own Google calendar while my kids were doing their homework. PTA meetings, fundraising events, etc. were all transferred. Where appropriate, I set up email reminders so I don't forget to go to a meeting, or to bake something for a bake sale.

Doing this calendar update right away has several benefits:

• I don't miss anything because I look at each event listed (and just skip the ones that aren't relevant to me, like fire drills).


• I have a good idea of what's coming up, so I can plan ahead. Whether it's buying baking mixes, arranging childcare, or something else, I can avoid last minute scrambles (and possible expenses).


• I get to toss the paper clutter right away, which is great because I've been working hard not to let paper clutter build up in new places (and working equally hard to get rid of existing paper clutter).


• I'm setting a good example for my kids. It's important to me to teach my children good time management skills. I want them to know how to plan ahead and be organized, so that they don't have the extra, unnecessary stress that comes from constant last minute emergencies.

How do you save your sanity?

My Best Tip for Getting Things Done: Make a List

In the last few months, I've had ups and downs when it comes to productivity, and I finally realized that I am way more productive when I take the time to make a list. It takes only a few minutes to do it, but it makes a huge difference in how much I get done. I think it's because having a list focuses the mind - and it's automatic prioritizing.

As I've mentioned several times before, I've been reading a time management book called Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time for quite some time now. The book really makes a lot of sense, and I read it a little at a time so I can implement the advice that I find relevant.

One of the suggestions in the book is to make multiple lists, including one that you carry over from day to day - so if something doesn't get done one day, it goes on the next day's list. I've been doing this for a while now, and it makes a huge difference in how much I get done.

The funny thing is, electronic to-do lists just don't do it for me. I think it's because they're out of sight most of the time. A paper to-do list, on the other hand, stays right next to my mouse so I constantly see it whenever I'm sitting down. There's also something very satisfying about vigorously drawing a line through something that's been accomplished!

As noted above, I have several different lists that I use regularly:

• A long-term to-do list - I do keep my long-term list on my computer, but that's because I don't need to look at it every day. It's a list of things I'd like to get done this year - from a thorough overhaul of my paper archives to organizing the kids' artwork for forever-storage (mostly digitizing them, but also figuring out how I want to organize the physical items I keep) to gradually going paperless. Throughout the year, I am able to cross things off as they get done. This is also a great "idea storage" place where I put things down that I'd like to get done and maybe later decide I don't want to do after all.


• A short-term to-do list - This list is comprised of things I'd like to get done this week, although not everything gets crossed off every week. Some of the tasks on this list are drawn from my long-term list, and some are things that need to be done but not necessarily immediately, like something I've committed to doing for the PTA. I hand-write this list every week, and keep it on my desk for easy reference.


• A today list - My today list has a few daily items at the top that never change (e.g., drinking 8 glasses of water), as well as the plan for the day - meetings, errands, chores, etc. Depending on much I have to do on a particular day, I'll add some items from my short-term list. This is the list I keep next to my mouse and look at constantly. I try to create my list the night before so it's ready to go when I wake up, but many times I write it first thing in the morning. I find that's not ideal, though, so I'm working harder on getting my list done at night.

What's your best tip for getting things done?